Stop Chasing Likes: Learn Self-Validation and Reclaim Your Power
Welcome to She Thrives with Stef Barti, an empowering self-actualization podcast for women, helping you live your best life and thrive unapologetically.
A lot of us are caught up on Instagram as a way to validate ourselves.
You know, we’re caught up in the likes hamster wheel. That’s why I wanted to start this new series about better ways to validate yourself.
Because validating yourself is such an important life skill—and people don’t talk about it enough. Or when they do, they don’t really tell you how to do it. So let’s talk about it.
I see this as a practice, almost a spiritual practice.
This will be a series because it’s something ongoing. You don’t just do it once and then you’re done. No, no, no. I wish!
Self-Mastery and the Trap of Instagram Validation
This all ties into self-sufficiency and the mastery of the self.
And honestly, this is deeply connected to everything you’re going to do in life. I know I’ve been going at Instagram lately—but it’s not that I hate it. Okay… maybe I do a little bit. Let me explain.
I was in Bali recently. An absolutely intense, lifetime experience. My first time ever. It was a huge trip for me.
Out of everything I could do in Bali, I remember rushing out of my rental to go to a coffee shop so I could get some work done.
Which is fine—I love slow traveling and living like a local. But instead of doing something enriching—like reading, writing, editing podcast episodes, or working on my feminine embodiment retreat—I found myself making Instagram Reels.🤦🏾♀️
Instagram Reels gives you that quick dopamine hit. It feels like an easy win. But like fast food, it has no nutritional value.
It doesn’t sustain you. I was running around stressing about Wi-Fi, making six reels, looking for trending audios—all for nothing.
I went home feeling like, “Yeah, I did something.” But really? I hadn’t done anything at all. And those reels? They’ll probably go nowhere.
This was a wake-up call for me.
Even though I never really used Instagram to validate myself directly, I realized how easy it is to get caught up in the trap.
And a lot of women are. That’s why I’m passionate about this topic—and why I want to dive deeper through the podcast, YouTube, and here on the blog.
Let’s Re-Route to Real, Tangible Self-Validation
The goal is to shift away from superficial validation toward real, tangible ways to validate yourself—ways that actually have a positive, meaningful impact on your life.
1. Self-Care as a Sacred Practice
Now I know you’re probably thinking, “Stef, really? Self-care?”
But I’m not talking about the bubble bath aesthetic kind of self-care—though I do love a good bubble bath.
I’m talking about self-care as a grounding ritual. Self-care is my hobby, my devotion, my everything.
It’s broad. It includes spirituality. It includes practices that bring me back to myself.
To validate yourself means to know you are worthy—without needing anyone else to tell you that.
Not chasing external approval. Just knowing, deep in your bones, that you are inherently worthy simply because you exist.
And self-care helps you get there. It slows you down. It brings you back to your center. You stop looking for people to tell you that you’re amazing, beautiful, or valuable. You already know.
If you want more tangible ways to start, go check out my episode on Romanticizing Your Life or my morning routine episode. I give you real steps you can take to make your everyday feel sacred.
A book I recommend is The Power of Ritual: Turning Everyday Activities into Soulful Practices by Casper Ter Kuile. It’s beautiful if you want help creating those sacred rhythms.
In my own life, my mornings are everything. I light a candle, do a quick meditation, check in with my spirit guides, thank them for a good night’s sleep, and set the vibe.
Lately I’ve been playing binaural subliminals to rewrite my subconscious in the background while I shower in the dark with palo santo smoke in the air.
And let me tell you—that is how you start your day like a queen.
2. Achieving Goals to Build Inner Confidence
The second thing I want to share with you is: reach for your goals.
When you reach goals, your self-esteem increases.
You feel like, “Oh my god, I did this!” That joy is powerful.
For example, I was petrified of surfing. But I ended up surfing in Portugal!
It went from extreme fear to “Wait a minute, this isn’t too bad!” Now I’m not a pro, but I’m way more confident.
Same with language learning. Whether it’s Spanish, Russian, Japanese, Portuguese, or French—once you start understanding and expressing yourself, that joy is unmatched.
Or dance.
I’m a dance teacher, so I see this all the time.
Students come in thinking they can’t do a move. And then we break it down—and boom—they’re doing it.
That transformation?
That “Oh my god, I just did this”?
That my friend is empowerment.
So make your goals realistic. Don’t set yourself up for failure. But do chase those dreams.
Watch how your confidence grows—and how your need for external validation fades. Because now you’re getting it from within.
3. Quiet Growth: For Your Eyes Only
The last thing I want to share today is something I discovered by accident. When I scaled back on Instagram, I realized how much I missed editing. I love storytelling. So I kept editing my videos, even if I didn’t post them.
Let’s say I go to pole class. I film a clip and edit it—just like I used to.
But now?
I don’t post it. I created a folder on my phone called Favorites.
And it’s for my eyes only.
Sometimes in the morning, I go through that folder. My favorite choreography. Clips that make me smile. Achievements. My handstand video is my favorite.
I was always scared of handstands growing up, but now I’m doing them. And every time I watch that video, I get butterflies. It reminds me how far I’ve come.
That’s self-validation.
You can do this too. You can create your own sacred folder. And watch how it feeds your spirit. It’s private. It’s intentional. And it’s powerful.
You Are Already Magic
So, my love—take your power back.
You don’t need to scroll all day hoping for likes or views to tell you who you are.
Everything you need is already within you. You are already magic.
If you want help getting started, check out my Romanticize Your Life episode ( See podcast link above) for practical steps.
You can also download my free guide to increase your feminine energy (link below). This will help you get out of the masculine hustle and reconnect with your essence.
And finally, definitely sign up for the Thriving Girlie Newsletter. This is where I’m pouring my energy now that I’m stepping away from Instagram. I share spiritual tips, things I’m loving, Tarot card pulls, and more. It’s like a little love note to your inbox.
Also—don’t forget to check out my new course on feminine energy! I’m so excited about it. All the links are below.
You’ve got this, girlie. I’m cheering for you.
If this message resonated with you and you’re looking for honest, supportive guidance, I offer Tarot Readings, Soul Readings, and Akashic Records sessions.
These one-on-one sessions are a space to explore what’s present in your life, gain clarity, and receive grounded insight for your next steps. You’re welcome to book a session whenever you’re ready.
With love,
Stef Barti
Host of She Thrives with Stef Barti Podcast
Feel free to share this post with anyone who might benefit from it. And remember, you are a unique, beautiful creation, worthy of love and joy every day of the year.
P.S. If you’re looking for a community of like-minded women who are passionate about wellness, somatic healing, spirituality, and adventure, I’d love for you to join the Thriving Girlies Newsletter below. My goal is to create a safe space for women who want to grow together in these areas.
Thriving Girlies Newsletter✨
✨ Join the Thriving girlies newsletter for all things wellness, women dance and self love retreats, spirituality, self improvement and more ✨
✨ Awaken the Divine Feminine in You ✨ with my free guide
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More Wellness Resources
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- Podcast episodes for Childfree women
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- Podcast episodes for women empowerment)
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Additional Resource to help you slow down
Feminine embodiment & Self Love Practice
I created my “Unleash your Feminine Power” to help you really start diving into your own unique power.
In this course, you will learn to connect with your body through some very sensual movements.
There is no fancy choreography to worry about. I really wanted to make this as simple as possible.
The goal is to give you a somatic practice that you can implement into your daily routine in order to start embodying your authentic self.
It is high time we start prioritizing our relationship with our own body too.
Because in order to be truly happy and content in life, I really believe you need to strike for a balance.
That means feeding your soul, your heart, your body.
And this is the goal of my ” Unleash your Feminine Power“.
The beautiful thing is that once you start getting in touch with that fire within, it only grows from there.
This energy will go on to light up your path, simultaneously guiding you through life.
So in a way, it is your own inner guiding compass. 💕
Get in Touch with your feminine today through the self love embodiment practice
ps. Don’t forget to join the conversation over on the podcast and the girlies club so you don’t miss anything 🫶🏾
More Feminine Energy Resource
What is Feminine Energy and How to Activate it?
More ways to activate your feminine energy
Women Self Love Wellness Retreat
I am so passionate about women empowerment. Everything I do is based on this. I want to see more women embrace their authentic selves. Trust me life gets so much better.
That’s the main focus of my self love women retreat. In this Wellness retreat, we go deep. I really love to connect with my fellow sisters.
That’s why I only do small groups of 10-12 women.
This retreat is an invitation to embody your feminine and to dive into radical self love. Growth and shedding past limiting beliefs is the focal point.
We do this through various workshops, wellness practices such as breath work and lots of somatic movement.
As a dance teacher, of course we will also be using the power of dance and music to process, release and shed things that are holding us back so we can be born again.
Welcome to our transformational retreat where the focus is all on YOU.
Not only that, but we do it in style and comfort.
Our next retreat is in a breathtaking villa on the beautiful island of Gozo Malta. We will be staying in our own private villa.
And did I mention our own private chef? with our own private pool 🤭.
It is the perfect time to slow down and prioritize yourself.
Also, don’t forget to stay in touch for my Bali self love women wellness retreat, for pure feminine embodiment and lots of dancing also.